I recently got a question like this and the forum gets a lot of these type of questions. Almost all of them can be answered with, "Put your work in the Writer's Workshop section of the forum and more experienced and knowledgeable contributors will give you some pointers and constructive criticism."
I hate to disappoint but that's really what you need to do. Don't be afraid. It's all geared to help you better your writing and to help you succeed on AC. If you don't want to do that then be prepared for a long road of trial and error and you realize what works and what doesn't.
I know this is a super short post and I wish I could help you more on this subject but I'm not the expert of SEO and keywording that many of the others are. They can help you out more than I can.
ETA: I realized there was a vital piece I'm forgetting to explain. Forgive me. I was writing earlier with a two and a four year old screaming around me.
The main reason I say go to the Workshop is because everyone writes differently, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. I can't (nor can anyone else) blanket a response like, "write better" or "use more keywords" or "don't be redundant" for your specific needs. I hope that makes sense and I hope you consider posting your work there.
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